


How Deep Does Your Well Go

by Helholden



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Post-Episode: s05e22 Not Fade Away, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-26
Updated: 2014-10-26
Packaged: 2018-02-22 17:48:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2516486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helholden/pseuds/Helholden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The ignorance, the not knowing what is going to happen—that’s what makes people truly happy.</p><p>Something has changed inside of him, and it started with a vampire who had a soul.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Deep Does Your Well Go

**Author's Note:**

> So, Lorne was always my favorite character on Angel. And to this day, I'm still angry about what happened to him. I wrote this over six years ago and posted it to Livejournal. I'm re-posting it here for archival purposes.

* * *

 

Lorne holds the cold glass between his fingers, turning it over and over. He watches the liquid sway within the crystalline walls and looks up, his eyes catching the singer on the stage. The lights are focused and singular, their beams aimed onto the gently rocking figure as she sings a song he had recently heard on the radio.

 

She glows, figuratively and literally, the light forming an interesting oval globe around her, gleaming off of her glitter-sprinkled skin and shimmering dress. She is in love, and he sees the flowers, the smiles, and the terrible ending filled with fights, tears, and eventual heartbreak.

 

Lorne looks away, tilting his head back and downing what’s left of his drink. He remembers a time when he owned a bar, when life was carefree and fairly simple and he enjoyed it.

 

Now, he doesn’t feel the same way anymore. Something has changed inside of him, and it started with a vampire who had a soul.

 

He doesn’t blame Angel. It’s not in Lorne’s nature to place blame. Angel brought about this change, though, and that much he will admit. It is a comforting knowledge to know where it began, but it is unsettling to not know how it is supposed to end—because Lorne is different now, and he doesn’t know to what extent or how far that well goes. It is dark at the bottom, though, and Lorne doesn’t want to be there. He doesn’t want to see what’s at the end of that darkness, deep within the hole of the earth.

 

In the recess of his memory, he grips the gun without clutching it. It feels cold like a glass of Sea Breeze, fresh and filled with ice cubes, but there is no condensation—no water dampening his fingers. It is easy pulling the trigger. It is a whole lot easier than he wants it to be.

 

 _Ignorance is bliss_. How true that saying is, Lorne thinks. The ignorance, the not knowing what is going to happen—that’s what makes people truly happy. He used to read people’s auras and tell them what their future held for them before it actually came. Now, he wonders sometimes if he ever really did help anyone with his knowledge.

 

Did he really make their lives any better, telling them those things?

 

Did it really make any difference at all?

 

He lived for the fun and the laughter and the good times. He lived for the smiles and the singing and the music in his soul. He lived for the rhythm that reverberated throughout the world like an echo, singing of joy and happiness that would always find a way through the sorrow and the darkness of their lives.

 

He knows now that there are powers beyond their control, beyond his control, forcing the world and all of its gears into motion. Life and existence—what is the point of it all if the free will they are given doesn’t actually change the ending of the story?

 

It all still ends the same way, even if you fight.

 

Even if you only try to fight, the real ending is already written.

 

Lorne orders another drink as the sparkling being descends off the stage, roaring applause in her wake. He looks down at the bottom of the glass, sees the blackness below, and drinks the well’s water.

 

The knowledge taints him, and he wonders how deep it goes.

 

 


End file.
